


Working On My Next Broken Heart

by Vandalous



Series: Hello, T-R-O-U-B-L-E [1]
Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 07:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9311462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vandalous/pseuds/Vandalous
Summary: Akmazian has a Plan. Morpheus has a Plan. Ryan probably has a Plan. The Idee Fixotica probably does not have a Plan, but it causes problems all the same.(AKA what if Ryan never got rid of the Idee Fixotica and Akmazian breaks into his quarters and stumbles upon it?)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Er. I have no one to blame but myself this time.  
> Title from 'Next Broken Heart' by Brooks and Dunn (series title is 'TROUBLE' by Travis Tritt), and I am not even a little bit sorry :D

He set the bear on the table. It was a slightly pathetic bear, holding a heart that was supposed to say “I love you”. Instead said “eye luff oo”, because that’s what happens when all you can get your hands on is a box of knock-offs from Tarnou-19. Akmazian wasn’t sure what to do with the other 1499 pathetic valentine’s bears, but he would think of something. He scattered confetti hearts and synthetic rose petals over the rest of the table.

It wasn’t until he was searching through Ryan’s cupboards for a bowl to fill with gummy penises that he realised something. Something terrible.

There was no sign of Morpheus, and Akmazian had forgotten to close the vent. If Akmazian lost Ryan’s cat in the vents, the doctor would straight-up murder him, and then he would be sad (Akmazian be sad about making Ryan sad, but he’s already dead in this scenario, so…)

"Damn it," he muttered. visions of him crawling through the miles and miles of vents and maintenance shafts in the station- cat treats in hand- danced in his head.

"Here kitty," he said. "Please be hiding in here. Pretty please? Come out, come out, wherever you are..."

The bedroom door was closed, so he checked in there first, trying very hard not to get distracted thinking about Doctor Dalias sleeping naked in that bed... Focus! No sign of the feline, but he did take a moment to decorate the neatly made covers with heart confetti. He checked under he sofa, he looked behind the bookshelves, and finally yanked open a closet door.

"You," he said to the large grey cat, busy sitting in the dark and chewing contentedly on a plant. "Are in so much trouble."

Morpheus glared at him, and continued chewing.

"If you die from eating that... incredible... stunning... absolutely effervescent specimen of a plant, then I am… I’m…"

('Effervescent'? asked the last fully functioning part of his brain. "What the hell, man...")

"Hey there," he said, that last tiny part of his mind going under. He gave the plant his best roguish smile and leaned super casually against the door-frame. "Somethin' so gorgeous shouldn't be left all alone in the dark. Why don't I just- ow, damn it cat!"

He pointed a bleeding finger at the resident feline. "Stop eating my darlin’ girl, cat, or I'll be making your owner an 'I'm sorry' gift of fur gloves. Cat-fur gloves."

Morpheus yawned at him, displaying more teeth than Earth cats tended to have. He did look awfully like a miniature grey sabertooth tiger. Akmazian realised that there were side-effects to getting your pets through the black market: no quality control, no pedigrees, no guarantees that your new pet did not have the DNA of a terrifying alien species spliced in.

"C’mon cat, I'm not gonna hurt her, I just want to-"  
Morpheus hissed at him as Akmazian tried to reach for the most beautiful flowers in the sector. No, the Quadrant. No, in the galaxy.

"Give me the plant," he said. Morpheus growled and his fluffy tail flicked a warning. "Don't think I won't stuff you in a pillowcase, feline, now get away from her or I swear I'll-"

"Akmazian?"

The voice seemed to come from far away, but he knew deep down that it was his love finally deigning to speak to him.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"What the hell are you doing in my quarters?"

"I'm here to take you away from all this, from people who don't appreciate you, from that damn cat that's trying to get between us and our future together. I'm here to bring you out of the darkness, to dance with me in the light."

"Okay," she sighed at him. "You are clearly not talking to me."

Akmazian blinked.

"Wait, what?"

Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned to see Doctor Dalias standing next to him.

-

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked him. "Did you, um, take something?"

"I haven't taken anything," Akmazian said. He followed it up with a deep, heartfelt sigh into the closet. "But you've stolen my heart, baby."

Ryan leaned around him to peer into the dark closet. Morpheus meowed, loud and disgruntled.

"Wait, are you proposing to my cat? Are you sure you didn't- Oh,” Ryan said. “Shit. I forgot that was in there. Um, okay! Let's go sit down and talk about your, uh, future. With, uh… Her?"

"You'll get the cat away from her?"

"I- sure. Morpheus, come on. Give me the plant. It'll be okay."

Morpheus flicked his eyes between the two men. He grabbed the plant in his mouth and sprinted between Ryan's legs.

"Stop him!" Akmazian shouted, diving backwards onto the floor in his haste to catch the cat. "He wants her all for himself, he- Ow, damn it, cat."

Morpheus sat on the highest bookshelf, the plant stashed behind him. He looked innocently at the smashed photo frame that had ‘somehow’ fallen onto Akmazian's head.

“GIVE ME BACK MY LOVE!” Akmazian shouted, and started trying to climb the shelves. Morpheus responded by carefully batting another knick-knack down with unerring accuracy. Then another. And another.

Akmazian ignored the rain of Ryan’s possetions and continued to climb. The bookcase tipped at an angle that struck Ryan as unsafe, and Ryan tackled Akmazian off of it just as the whole thing came crashing down to the floor.

There was a moment, laying on the floor with Akmazian on top of him, clutching Akmazian’s hard biceps, where Ryan almost gave in to the urge to lean up and kiss the man. Akmazian chose that moment to try and knee Ryan in the groin, so the moment passed pretty quickly.

Ryan wriggled out and scrambled to his feet. “Morpheus!” he yelled to his cat. “In the sink!”

Akmazian was still on his knees, and Ryan took the opportunity to shove him backwards. It was to buy them a few more seconds, and not so that Ryan could touch his chest again.

Morpheus dragged the plant into the kitchen and spat it into the sink. Ryan jammed the plant into the garbage disposal. He flipped the disposal switch just in time. Akmazian tackled him around the knees and sent them both sprawling to the ground, Ryan managing to smack his chin on the counter on the way down.

“You killed her!” Akmazian shouted, as Ryan tried to blink away the pretty colours. “You…” He trailed off this time. “You killed her.”

He put his head in his hands and broke into wild sobs.

Ryan stared.

“Um. There there?” He said, patting Akmazian on the shoulder.

When Akmazian failed to stop crying, Ryan pushed himself up with a sigh and put an arm around the other man’s shoulders. He did not think about how good it felt to be hugging him. He also did not think about the deep, burning jealousy that had taken up residence in his chest. No, he was just going to keep patting the most wanted terrorist in the galaxy on the back while said accused terrorist cried over a plant.

Sometimes Ryan wondered how his life managed to get this weird. He had a feeling it was something to do with his penis.

Akmazian’s crying trailed off little by little until he had calmed down. Then he went very, very still.

“Feeling better?” Ryan asked, taking his arm away.

“No. Feeling hideously embarrassed? Yes,” Akmazian said.

“If it makes you feel any better, Jane and Urvidian’s exposure resulted in nudity, chocolate and missile launchers in terrible, emotionally scarring combinations.” He patted Akmazian on the arm again. “I do have to ask though: how did you get that terrible bear and all of the confetti so fast?”

Akmazian smirked.

“Well, it is valentine’s day.”

Ryan stared at him.

“I was trying to do something nice!” Akmazian protested.

“You were trying to be a pain in my ass.”

“Well-”

“Do not even go there, Akmazian,” Ryan said, and if he was getting flushed it was because he was mad, not turned on. At all. “I will shoot you.”

“You really are very violent when you get jealous,” Akmazian said. “It suits you.”

“I was not jealous of the plant!”

“Oh, you were jealous of the plant?” Akmazian said, smirk growing into a grin. “That’s very interesting, doctor. Very interesting indeed.”

“That’s not- I didn’t- Okay, you need to leave now,” Ryan said, standing up as fast as he could. “I have a lot of cleaning up to do.”

“I could stay and-”

“No.”

“Well, your wish is my command.”

“If only.”

“Enjoy the rest of your valentines day.”

“I will once you aren’t here.”

Akmazian followed Ryan out of the kitchen and threw his cloak on.

“Oh,” he said, turning back just before the door. “One last thing,” he said, leaning in close enough that Ryan stopped breathing.

“Yes?”

“Enjoy the gummy penises.”

And with that, he swept out of the door.

Groaning, Ryan leaned against it and surveyed the disaster zone of his quarters. Morpheus sat in the centre of the table, next to that awful bear, staring fixedly at Ryan. His tail flicking back and forth sent glitter and confetti in every direction.

“What?” Ryan asked him. Morpheus yawned and curled up around the bear. Ryan sighed, and began to sweep pink glittery heart confetti off the table. “I do not have a crush on Akmazian!” he said. Then, as if saying it could make it true, he continued to mutter: “I do not have a crush on Akmazian, I do not have a crush on Akmazian, I do not…”

-

If Morpheus could have rolled his eyes at his human, he would have. His human was always ignoring its feelings, and there was frankly very little one cat could do about it. At least that horrible plant was out of the way.

He stretched and considered the toy bear. His human appeared to be fond of the annoying one in the cloak. And the annoying one had put together and impressive mating display.  
Morpheus yawned. He would think of some way to sort this mess out.

  
After his nap, of course.


End file.
